Roda pasti berputar.
Terus berputar tiada henti.
Ke atas ke bawah.
Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly.
Wise words itu sering gua denger, dan itu gua ngerti dan maknai saat gua merasa gua lagi ada di bawah. Emang, dulu gua ada di bawaaaaaah banget. But suddenly I flight. I flight so high and high. I touched the sky. I smiled. I laughed. And realized wow I was success.
But no, it's not. I thougt again. Success is not like that. I'm flying, flying. Higher, higher. I don't care about anything. I just know that I can fly. And I'm just flying. Seeing the brightest things. But then I'm falling down to the deep deep deep deep deep place.
Gua benci sekolah, gua hak punya lagi semangat untuk ke sekolah. Is that bad decision? I don't know. I don't even know what I thought. Gua sering bgt teach people the lessons that they thought is hard, tp hasil mereka lebih baik daripada gua. How funny. Gua gatau gua harus seneng ato sedih sekarang. I said to my own I don't even know.
Well, di satu sisi gua sedih nilai gua turun. Actually, gua gak masalahin nilainya. Toh nilai gua segitu pun, gua ngerti kok. Itu cuman masalah kecerobohan. Masalahnya adalah kestabilan nilai rapot untuk masuk ke Universitas. Oh my God, anak SMK tuh susah masuk kaya begituan apalagi kalo nilai rapot gak stabil. I'm tired of this.
Di sisi lain, gua seneng. Ilmu gua tersmpaikan dengan benar. See, mereka mendapat nilai yg jauh lebih tinggi dari gua. Semoga ilmu itu berkah.
Brightest or darkest situatinn. I don't even know. Up or under situation. I don't even know. Set my brain to the positive or negative. I don't even know HOW TO SET IT.
I said A, my heart said B.
My eyes are burning. My legs are exhausted. My mouth is locked anyway but my heart always say.
I can hear all the sounds of my body now like "Tika I'm tired of this." "Tika can u give me a second to rest?" "Tika why do u do the stupid thing?" "Tika u r idiot"
Yes, I know right. But then what can I do now? Sittin here and thinking 7354872y389263963 times what is happening with me. Or try to fly again? I don't even know the fuckin answer.
People said intropection is the best way. But I just can't. It makes me feel that I'm idiot.
People said fly, forget about all. But I just can't. I'm too afraid too fall again.
Is that answers right? I don't even know.
I just stuck with this. If u just confused with this writing. SAME I FEEL YOU. You just read, but this whole fuckin writing in my mind since April.
If you know the answer, please tell me. I know light will come. I know it's you. I know it will become from your mouth. Come please, light.
Sometimes you gotta fall WHILE you fly.