Minggu, 10 April 2016


It's been..... I even have no idea how long we've been together. I only know and still remember every seconds we laughed, we smiled, we argued, we fight and laughed again. Do you remember like I do? I almost forgot the pain I felt at those moments. The pain from the others, so from yours. I don't even know if you have the same feelings as mine. I don't wanna know. But your eyes can never lie. Your smile is telling me everything. I am sure you ever have those arrows straight over me.

I don't wanna care. It's your feelings. I don't even like you so much. Sometimes I hate every moves you made. That they are mirroring my moves. I like being around boys, you like being around girls. I like make a mess with my friends, so do you. I hate you so much. Even your ego as big as mine. Even you act like me when I'm mad. I hate you so much. While I am hating myself.

Do you ever feel like that you like one person so damn much, then even slowly you trust your self that you love that person, then hate him/her so damn freaking much til you even wanna she/he dissapears from your life?

I do.

Hate you, love you.

What the fricking is this feeling?

But you're like my father. You shouted too much. You may not know the pain behind my-everyday-movements. The pain that I hate from I was beginning remember how it felt like to be a child. Not a good one. Maybe you think it's fucking same shout when we argue. No, it's not. The pain is felt right at the moment. Even I do wanna cry when you shouted. Like. You. Did. When. The. First. Time. I. started. to. decided. not. to talk to you. For 2 years.

We're still teens, I admit. A half children. So I forgot like it never happened before. Even I didn't remember if you apologize or nah. I already forgived you.

Then you say sorry, few days ago. The words is so strange out from you. I even feel special in one second.

I must say sorry to you too. Sorry, I can't easy take your sorry. And I feel sorry to yourself because you have no idea how I cried because the shoutes are playing in my head now. It's not only from yours, it's all shouts from I was 4 years.

Enjoy my atittudes for feeling I don't want you in my life. (don't forget you still have a chance enjoy my i-like-you-attitude for 0,0001%, who knows my feelings, rite?)

I even wanna thank to you for bringing the memories from my children.

When I don't wanna remember.

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